I’ll never forget my first trip to the supermarket when my weeks-old son started screaming his tiny little head off. A passer-by with copious amounts of time on her hands helpfully pointed out that he seemed ‘very upset’. Not having been struck deaf and blind a moment earlier, I could only, mortified, agree with her before slinking off down the chilled meats aisle and making a quick exit.
Here's a helpful tip for complete strangers who decide to inform stressed-out new mums that their baby is obviously a) hungry b) tired c) cold d) crying. Don’t.
Anyway a) He isn’t hungry because he has probably just necked half a pint of Aptimel or breast milk. b) He isn’t tired as he’s been sleeping all morning (just not a single millisecond during the night, but we won't go into that). c) He isn’t cold; like most babies he just has cold hands and anyway last time I looked we didn’t live in Antarctica which means he doesn’t need to be swaddled in 20 layers of fleeces, blankets or miniature shell suits. d) Ok, you’ve got a point he is crying. That’s because he’s a baby. You’re blocking my way. Bye!
Showing posts with label crying baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crying baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
6 Cold tea
Ok, you maybe not actually like it, but you've probably got used to the taste of it.
A typical morning might run something like this. Make a cup of tea at 8am. Get distracted by baby wanting to be fed, have his nappy changed or crying. Get around to sipping tea at around 8.45am when it is lukewarm and a thin layer of scum has settled on the surface. At 9am, when it is stony cold and completely undrinkable, throw it away, boil the kettle and start again. Process repeats itself until day ends.
At various points you may find yourself microwaving three-quarters full cups of tea. This never works as it will either a) be so hot it will take a thin layer of skin off the top of your lip b) make the whole thing taste even more like leftover dishwater c) heat up the film of scum on top so it looks, as well as tastes, revolting.
Like a long soak in the bath, straightening your hair or wearing full make-up, having a hot cup of tea is something you may never experience again.
Fact: one tenth of global warming is caused by mothers boiling kettles for cuppas they never actually drink. Maybe.
A typical morning might run something like this. Make a cup of tea at 8am. Get distracted by baby wanting to be fed, have his nappy changed or crying. Get around to sipping tea at around 8.45am when it is lukewarm and a thin layer of scum has settled on the surface. At 9am, when it is stony cold and completely undrinkable, throw it away, boil the kettle and start again. Process repeats itself until day ends.
At various points you may find yourself microwaving three-quarters full cups of tea. This never works as it will either a) be so hot it will take a thin layer of skin off the top of your lip b) make the whole thing taste even more like leftover dishwater c) heat up the film of scum on top so it looks, as well as tastes, revolting.
Like a long soak in the bath, straightening your hair or wearing full make-up, having a hot cup of tea is something you may never experience again.
Fact: one tenth of global warming is caused by mothers boiling kettles for cuppas they never actually drink. Maybe.
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