4 Golden Balls with Jasper Carrott

Make that daytime TV full-stop.

In the old days you watched things like CSI and 24, occasionally even Newsnight. Now, along with the long-term unemployed, you watch Jeremy Kyle and Matthew Wright (see also shopping in the daytime), while you breastfeed and eat another biscuit.

You know not only the names of all the GMTV presenters, but what shifts they work. The Loose Women are your friends. You are addicted to Eggheads and probably have a crush on Jeremy Vine.

You also watch the Weakest Link, Countdown and Diagnosis Murder. Golden Balls is the highlight of your day. You often think about applying for Deal or No Deal, even though you know it is just a meaningless game of chance and you’d be better off going to the betting shop. This is your life now.